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Are you more fond of your child's first skate than his or her first steps?
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Was the child's first stuffed animal neither stuffed nor an animal, but a puck?
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When your kids clean their plates, do you make Zamboni references?
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Do you have a spreadsheet on your fridge with your child's statistics?
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Do you cheer during warmups?
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Do you keep your son or daughter's stats during warmups?
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Do you keep your son or daughter's stats during practice?
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Unless your child needs a ride, do you go to practice?
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Have you ever found yourself at center ice, without skates on, in street clothes, during a game, as the only non-official adult on the ice, uninvited, cursing at an official?
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Have you ever dreamt of the above scenario?
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Is your mugshot on a bulletin board at your local rink above the words, "barred from entry"?D
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id you bribe the rink manager to take it down?
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Have you ever refused to remove your foot from a coach's neck until he threatens legal action?
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Have you ever threatened someone else at a game with legal action?
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Have you ever threatened someone else at a game with your kid's Synergy?
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Do you think of sneaking through the ventilation system and into your son or daughter's opponent's locker room, where you can take sandpaper to a few strategically chosen skates?
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Have you tried to return your son or daughter's stick to the pro shop because it had "no goals in it"?
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Have you tried to return your son or daughter's skates to the pro shop because "everyone seems faster"?
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Did you contact NCAA scouts before your kid's 10th birthday?
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Do you demand of your kid that a goal and an assist be scored before you'll let him or her eat?
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Do you demand of your kid that a goal and an assist be scored before you'll let anyone in the family eat?
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Do you call your son or daughter by a different name -- like, say, Stone Hands -- depending on how well he or she plays?
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Do you not call your son or daughter at all depending on how well he or she plays?
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Do you believe your kid shouldn't pass the puck ... ever?
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Did you christen your child in a makeshift Stanley Cup?
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On the day your child was born, did you work out the math on his draft-eligible year?
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Do the candles on his cake correspond to the birth date or the years remaining "as an amateur"?
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Was your child's first word was the name of your favorite hockey team?
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Do you wish your child's first word was the name of your favorite hockey team?
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Have you yelled at your kid for not picking up on your telepathic message to shoot low to the stick side?
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Have you ever made your kid run home, with his gear on his or her back, beside the car, for missing an open net?
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Have you ever led a "S-I-E-V-E!" chant against a 10-year-old?
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Do you include in your local youth hockey newsletter a section called "coaches on the hot seat"?
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Do you refer to school days as "off days"?
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Do you refer to game days as "what it's all about"?
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Do you speak often in sports cliches?
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Do you forget the last compliment you've given to your kid's teammates?
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Do you forget the last compliment you've given to your own kid?
